The nights seem to be haunting me. Around 7pm I start dreading the next 3-5 hours of my day. Feeling helpless is not something I do well. The thought of sleeping alone or empty handed is still something new.
Hands searching in the night to touch her skin again, to feel the way her body always pressed against every inch of my front side. The smell of her hair as it tickled my nose. Breathing it in until I had to move the tickling else where.
Learning myself is something I haven't done for many summers. Waking up every morning for yourself and not another. It is energizing but very stressful. The need for list have overcome me. List for work, list for after work and in the end I just simply shut down. My mind a blank until someone moves me. A text, an email or a knock on the door.
This isn't regret I am feeling but loss of something bigger than myself. Staying strong and focusing on things I shouldn't be focusing on.
Tomorrow is a new day and maybe I will be ready to wake.
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